The Negative Committee Meeting Between My Ears

My mind does not leave my mind alone! Anyone else? Seriously, there is a whole lot going on in there... like all the time.

 If only telling The Negative Committee that their meeting is adjourned and they are free to take a hike was that simple. The committee in my mind has quite the agenda and isn't too willing to sit down or shut up.

 I had a rough day. Felt left out. Unwanted. Discouraged. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Why can't I handle life better? Why can't I choose joy more often? Why do I let people's words and actions get to me? Why do I let people steal my joy? No, actually, why do I hand my joy over to others?  Worst of all, today, I felt like a failure as a mom.

Yeah, I can relate to this one. My kids are great, but I am pretty sure I am screwing it up, messing my kids up. All moms know that's the worst kind of mental torment. EVER.

Just a few weeks ago I read a book by a young, up and coming author and speaker. I was surprised to see she had printed her website and email address in the cover of her book. She was asking for interactions and feedback. Since I enjoyed  the book immensely,  I thought I'd send her a word of encouragement.  I tend to be wordy (like you didn't know that!) and because I felt like she had become a friend through the pages,  I made the email personal and told her that I felt like I had made a new friend.  A few days later, I was excited to see in my inbox a personal response from my new-famous-author friend. You can imagine my disappointment and humiliation when I opened the email to read this, "Dear Cory..."

Cory is my husband's name, not mine! She never bothered to read my email. She pretended she did. I guess our email shows up under my husband's name. Her response was canned. Fake.

She was no more interested in me than I am in golf.  

Sounds silly to admit this, but I was hurt. Hurt by a person I have never met or spoken to. What is my problem anyway? What did I expect? I am a nobody. Why would this busy, successful woman want to read or respond to my email anyway?  What an idiot I am. 

As you can see, The Negative Committee was having a field day and I was just along for the ride. Today, more of the same. I just sat helplessly listening to the ramblings in my brain of how lousy I am, how incapable I am. Rehearsing over and over again negative thoughts. Lies from the enemy. Destructive notions. After nearly an entire day wasted I remembered this...

Nope. I've tried. Believe me. It can't happen.

 2 Cor 10:5 tells me to demolish strongholds and every thought that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and take captive my thoughts and make them obedient to Christ.

 This is an action verse. This requires a choice on my part. This involves me doing something!

 I am not a victim of my own thinking or circumstances. I cannot sit around waiting to feel better or wishing the thoughts to go away.

 I must act.

 I have to interrupt my thinking, the committee in my brain has to go.

 I have authority over it.

I do not have to dwell upon every thought that pops into my head. I don't.

 I literally have to one by one demolish and destroy the lies against the truth of God, my circumstances and who I am in Him. I have to take back my mind and keep it captive on the things of Christ.

The dwelling. The rehearsing. The ruminating must end because

Yes, they do. Whenever I over think something I torment myself. "Why did I do that? Say that? I'm sure they are mad, they must not like me, I made a mistake, Oh, I looked so foolish."  My mind over thinks, then  negative feelings take over my life. Feelings. Ah, a wise pastor said to me when I was  a teenager, "Amy, the sooner you can learn to live by facts, not by feelings the better off you'll be." Well, unfortunately, I must be a slow learner.

That is the desire of my heart. To choose wisely which waves of feelings I ride. I hate wasting my time stuck in horrible Negative Committee meetings that take place between my ears of all places!  I have other places I'd rather be! I have better things to do! God has better things for me to do!

Satan loves rendering us ineffective and unproductive because we are too busy rehearsing lies to do anything else. Can I encourage you sweet sister on this journey of life to along with me,

 battle for your mind... daily.

 Fight hard for your joy and peace. 

 Demolish those lies and replace them with truth from Gods word. Rehearse only things which are lovely. 

My husband invited me to join him for a meeting tonight. I said, "No, I don't feel like it, I don't have anything left in me today." He responded, "I think it'd be good for you." I said, "No." I chose to ride the waves of negative feelings and allowed the negative committee to have their way. Until now...

If I hurry, I can still meet up with them... and take back my mind and my joy... while I tell The Negative Committee meeting in my brain that they are FIRED.. and No, you cannot clean out your desk, you must leave... NOW! 

Gotta run..... a girl needs a quick moment to freshen up before she heads out the door ya know...

Amy Joy

Whatever things are true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, noble, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think upon such things. Phil 4:8

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because she trusts in you. Is 26 :3

Polka Dot Days of Motherhood

This is one of my favorite places, my front porch and these darling polka dot pillows were a mothers day gift. My daughters know me so well. I simply adore them. Funny how polka dots can brighten someones day. Just a little something sweet can bring a smile, lighten a load, refresh a tired heart. 

Speaking of tired hearts... one thing that can wear us out completely is motherhood. How exactly does a woman wrap her mind, her heart around it? It captures every ounce of her soul and requires every ounce of her will. 

Every ounce.

 It gives so much, but it also requires so much... so much more than I think I have in me some days... okay, a lot of days.

I want to share some 'polka dot kind of words' from Ann Voscamp (author of One Thousand Gifts) with you. I trust it will be a breath of fresh air to your spirit today dear one.

If we’re honest– and what else is there really — there were burnt dinners and yelling mornings and neck strained words over lost shoes and scattered Lego's and unfinished homework and there were crumpled tears behind bathroom doors.

Not to mention the frozen pizzas and no clean underwear and the wild words no one would want the cameras rolling for.

And the realization — that a mother’s labor and delivery never ends and you never stop having to remember to breathe.

The deal is — Motherhood isn’t sainthood and we’re all a bunch of sinners here and don’t let anyone tell you any different — pushing something out of your womb doesn’t make you a better woman. Real Womanhood isn’t a function of becoming a great mother, but of being loved by your Great Father. Someone write that on a card with a bouquet of flowers. We all need that.

A mother's labor and delivery never ends and you never stop having to remember to breathe.   Oh, what insightful words. It's so true! It's been a long time since I delivered my little ones. But Ann is right, the laboring continues. The remembering to breathe deep & steady is as critical today as it was 16 years ago. I have two great teenagers and one sweet  tween in my house now. Gone are the days of toys on the floor, spilt milk, sticky fingers, crying toddlers and lack of freedom.  But I can tell you these days are still exhausting... emotionally, spiritually and yes, physically.

 Our evenings are spent on hard bleachers so we can cheer for and believe in our kids. They know we are there. They see us. They sense our presence. They hear our voices of assurance and support. It's everything to them... just like it was when they were 8 months old.  It's different now, but  still so much the same.  We sit for hours  in the snow, in the rain, in the heat, in the cold.  We used to sit with them for hours playing and reading books... to bond, to invest.  Now we sit and watch them from a distance... and do the same. 

 Every new season of parenting is about

 Finding A Way.
Finding a way to love. 

Finding a way to stay connected.

 Finding a way to bond. 

Finding a way to believe. 

Finding  ways to say you are important to me, you matter, I am here.

I remember cheering for my  son when he was 2 as he flew down the slide all by himself and managed to land on his feet safely in the sand.   Now my son is 16 and I still cheer for him when he slides in the sand  only now it's safely into 2nd base.  Nothing really changes... always  Love, always Presence.

Today, in the midst of the emotions puberty brings, the cruelness of teenage girls, the unfairness of life, GPA's to maintain, first jobs to navigate, cars to drive,  practices to endure, temptations real, pressures mounting, serious decisions to be made... I have to remember  to breathe deep as I walk my kids through this thing called life... the labor and delivery of my children never ends...

 it changes its rhythm

 but it never ends.

So young mom, veteran mom, we are in this for the long haul, for the marathon... it's a beautiful thing, a precious gift, a role we can thrive in... if we will just remember

 to Love , to Breathe and to give Presence.

You and I are God's beloved daughters. His prized possessions. He is crazy about you! Sit in that place, bask in that knowledge, settle into that truth, because from what I'm told,  motherhood  never gets easy. Empty Nester's will tell you they worry more for their kids now than when they were raising them. Hard to believe, unless we remember that the laboring and delivering never ends.

I'd suggest you stop holding your breath, waiting for the season when it will be  

Easy. Simple. Light. Free. 

It never will be. Not ever.

But that's okay because

 when you learn to breathe deep, love with presence and function like you know you are God's beloved... I promise, you will experience 'polka dot' kind of days where rest is found, smiles abound and hearts are stilled.

With you on this journey that requires every ounce we have and grateful for a  God who supplies it and replenishes it abundantly and daily,

Amy Joy

Give Martha a Break! Part 2

I'm back-finally. If you are just joining us, you'll want to read Part 1 first.

I lost a friend a few days ago, that's part of the reason for my writing delay.  My heart has been preoccupied. Those who know me, know my mind doesn't sit long on one thing...but this week, I couldn't get my mind off of the shocking death of a young 40-something mother. She had 3 precious kids, who still need their mommy and an adoring husband who now wonders how he will manage life with out her...and as moms and wives, we know the harsh reality of those three words...life without her. I cannot grasp it.
Pam and I had our babies around the same time and navigated those baby/toddler years as best we knew how. We served on women's ministry teams and basically did motherhood/church together,until I moved away 7 years ago. She lost her short battle with cancer just last week.  She was one of those  "amaza-women". Her capacity was enormous. She could've taken over the Rachel Ray Show... she was THAT good in the kitchen! She loved and cared for her family well. She knew how to take charge and organize a ministry like no one else. Pam was a woman I admired. Pam would've done just what Martha did. She would've served. She would've worked... hard. She would've nourished Jesus and his disciples. Pam loved her Jesus (or like Beth Moore would say, "Pam loved her some Jesus.")
 It's in Pam Shakal's honor that I finish setting Martha (and more importantly, all of us) free...

'Sisters', what a precious word. One I don't know of personally. I don't have one. Did you hear the ache in that sentence? I don't have a sister. How is any woman supposed to manage life without one anyway? At 40 years old, I find myself trying to figure that out. The older I get, the harder it is to have a 'sister void'. Maybe it's all the moving we've done, maybe it's the complexity and lonliness of being a pasor's wife. I don't know. But, I'm so grateful my daughters have a sister!  I have to remind them every so often just how fortunate they are to have one.

The sister relationship, can at times, be delicate... so I'm told anyway. It certainly was for Mary and Martha. So, what did go wrong wih these sisters? Why did Jesus rebuke Martha? Like I shared  in Part 1, I believe God was disciplining Martha not for where she was in the home, but rather for where she was in her heart. Could it be that he was defending Mary more than he was criticizing Martha? Remember that one thing that Jesus said was needed... what was it? What did he mean? Let me ask you a question, what's Jesus's most important command? 'LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.'  Right? That's it. LOVE GOD WITH EVERYTHING YOU ARE AND ALL THAT YOU HAVE. Period. I have a hunch Mary was loving Jesus in those moments at his feet... and somewhere between kneading the bread and browning the hamburger, Martha stopped loving Jesus and was instead, loving self. Jesus was no longer on her mind... Mary was. Jesus was no longer her motivation and focus... she was. We can't love both God and self. We can't love God while being critical of others. Can't happen. Martha was lacking that One Thing.

Jesus goes on to say, It will not be taken from her. Mary's blessing and reward  would not be taken. Her loving actions were being stored up in the heavenlies. Martha was working hard, but with the wrong heart, so her actions don't count in light of eternity. Her reward was lost.
 Mary didn't choose better because she chose to sit.  I'm not convinced that was Jesus' point. Mary chose better because she chose to love God and keep him the focus of her heart. In our relationship with God, it is ALWAYS about our hearts.
 On to the next account of these sisters...

Grab your bible and read John 11:1-21 . Don't skip this part. God's Word is alive and active. He wants to bless you enormously through it, so grab it. I will wait...
This story unfolds as the sisters are grieving the loss of their brother. Are you getting to know Mary and Martha by now? What's Mary doing? Engaged with the people. Of course she was. She liked the attention. She needed the comfort. She finds satisfacton with people. What does Martha do? The second she hears that Jesus is on his way, she bolts! She is out the door! She leaves the guests. I don't think she thought twice about it either. I'm guessing with no explanation to those who had come to comfort her, she just up and leaves. She is after Jesus! She had to get to him! She was on a pursuit of him! He is who she needed! Her eyes and ears were peeled for One. She was willing to leave the crowds, step out of the room filled with well meaning friends, and go on an all out search for the God of all Comfort, The Healer, The Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace and Everlasting Father. She knew His presence was her only hope, her only answer.

Could it be, that what we see  unfolding, is two sisters who Jesus himself created very differently, on purpose, by the way. Their personalities are popping through and  I love it!  Can you tell that Martha is a go get-er?  She's a bold, determined, capable woman. Co-dependency is not in her blood. Mary, on the other hand is reflective, she's a people person, she thrives on relationships and connecting with people. She's probably the sensitive one. Mary would've been horrified to dart out of the house leaving all the guests who had come for her. She'd think that was rude and worry about whose feelings would be hurt. Not so with Martha... the feelings of the guests who had gathered  were not her concern, getting to Jesus was. She would find him- somehow.

So, Martha's brother is dead. Jesus hadn't come. He failed to show up. He was late. Very late. It had been too long. Girls, no matter how hurt we are, can we do as Martha did?  No matter how disillusioned or hopeless we've become, can we do as Martha did? No matter how mad you are at God that He failed to show up, in fact even if you feel like he stood you up... can we do as Martha did? Get Up and Go Find Him! Get to Him! Search for Him! Look for Him! Pursue your God! Oh, it's easier to do what Mary did... sit, wait... staying in the comforts of the crowds. When I'm feeling particularly hurt, my attitude can be, "Fine, you let me down, you can come to me. I will wait right here for you to make a move." That's easy to do. What Martha did here, in the midst of her pain and disappointment in Jesus, is remarkable. I'm sorry, can someone please tell me again, why have we beaten this woman up? What exactly is our issue with this amazing woman? I am baffled-really. I may have no business trying to analyze passages meant for the seminary graduate, but I do believe God's Word is also meant for the simpleminded, unschooled, ordinary women of the world too. (Even those of us who like themselves alittle sunshine, peace and diet coke... thank you very much.)

What I love about Martha is that instead of running away from Jesus after she got a verbal spanking from Him, she runs to him. Do we? Or do we pout? Do we get snippy when we are corrected? Are we teachable?  Do we pick up our toys and leave? Martha could've... she could've said, Fine, if no one appreciates my cooking, I'll take this meal to the neighbors!  See if I ever invite you over for a meal again. Or, how about this, Oh, really, you want me to sit? Fine, I'll sit! In the meantime, the water boils over on the stove and the bread burns in the oven. Lovely. She could've run to her room and slammed the door. The evening would've been ruined, awkward, tense. We don't know what happened in those next moments, but I'd like to think she had a tender heart. I'd like to think she said, I'm sorry, you're right and then finished up dinner, with the right heart arritude. The evening saved. A meal enjoyed. Fellowship sweet.

Here comes my favorite part...The last account I want you to read is  John 12:1-3 (Don't be confused with the sinful woman who washes Jesus feet with her tears. That was a different occasion, different woman.) While in this final account, Mary once again, gets all the glory doesn't she? She gets remembered. She receives all the praise for what she did.  But did you catch it? Two words in verse 2. Martha served. Of course she did! Atta Girl!! That's how God made her! She was back at it. She didn't let Jesus's rebuke crush her spirit or discourage her from using her gifts.

 God liked them both-Mary and Martha. He loved them. He made them. Different. He prefers it that way! We don't need to compare ourselves with each other. You don't need to be anyone else but you! We might as well be free to be ourselves because after all, every one else is taken... but YOU precious one!

Hear this...God DOES not compare you to any other woman and He doesn't want you to be any other woman. He does not want you to be Mary! He doesn't even want you to be Martha. He wants you to be... well,You! We don't have the end of the story, (oh, how I wish we did, its a good thing women didn't write the bible because it would be much longer! We simply would not have been satisfied without the endings to these stories.) As I close this tribute to Martha,  I'd like to express how I'd like to think the evening unfolded as all the guests went home and just the sisters remained...

Martha: (while doing the dishes) Mary, I saw what you did tonight. That was beautiful. The aroma from the perfume saturated the air with such tenderness and love. I saw the look on Jesus's face, Mary, he was  touched by you. He was overwhelmed by the depth of your expression of worship to him. He knew of your sacrifice. He delighted in your bold display of love. You blessed him deeply Mary. I couldn't have done what you did tonight... I don't think I have it in me to be expressive in that way. I am so proud of you, sister.

Mary: (while helping Martha clean up!!) Martha, I saw what you did tonight. Infact, all week, as you orgainized this amazing dinner. It was delcious. It was perfect. I saw Jesus' face when you served him his meal. I saw him give you that gentle nod of approval. I saw the love and gratitide in his eyes for you. You ministered deeply to Jesus tonight Martha. You did. You nourished the Son of God. You fed our Messiah. He was overwhelmed by the expression of love and devotion you displayed to him tonight. I couldn't have done what you did... I wouldn't know how. I am so proud of you, my sister, Martha.

Sisters in Christ, let's cease the striving to be anyone else. Okay? Be free to be yourself... just be her well. Stay teachable. Pursue God.
Always remember, through the harshness of this world, even the Christian world, that God adores you just how you are. Love him out of the overflow of how he created you.
Oh, and make sure to bless your sisters, who are different from you, along the way....

Blessings,
Amy Joy