When did He know?

When did he know?  How old was he when the reality of his own death by crucifixion hit him like a freight train unmercifully ramming into his soul. Was he merely a young boy? Maybe 5 years old or 10? Did his father God guard his son's heart and mind till he was in his teens or early twenties?  Because that's what parents do, right? Some  information we withhold as long as we can.

 How exactly is a child fully God and fully man? I'd like to think he grew into his 'Godness' so to speak. That as he grew older he grew more aware... aware of who he was, why he came and what his future held. Surely Jesus coming to earth as a mere man meant he surrendered his All-Knowing Power- at least for a time as an infant, toddler and young boy... but a time came, it had to,

when he would fully know who he was,

why he was here and

what would happen when he turned 33.

 Luke tells us Jesus grew in wisdom, favor and stature.  He grew up as a normal child... nursing from his mother, being spoon fed, learning to crawl, walk and  talk. Except he wasn't just any child. He was the sacrificial lamb that would be led to the slaughter.

When did he know this? Who told him?

At what age did he mature to the point in which God knew

it was time to tell all?

Did God meet with his son face to face? Did he send an Angel? Did Jesus just know in his spirit-without his farther needing to say a word?

Was he all alone when his eyes fell upon Isiah 53 for the first time? What about Psalms 22? Read those chapters today and picture the young Jesus as you take in the ink on the page. He would be the one.

 The one despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. The only person to ever walk the face of the earth whom God, his own father, would reject, forsake and crush. He would be stricken by God, smitten and afflicted. He would be crushed, pierced, wounded, oppressed, slaughtered, insulted, crucified, dead.

It would be him. He was that man.

As tears flow down my cheeks at the wonder and mystery of it all, I'm  relieved today that it's Good Friday.

I used to think that was a terrible name to give such a horrendous day-Good. But I've changed my mind.

I am thrilled for Jesus that Friday fINALLY came!

For decades he knew what had to be done. He knew how he would go out.  He knew what was coming.

Always looming in his heart, always ruminating in his mind was THIS day.  As the clock ticked  and the calendar flipped

he knew he'd have to face Friday...so we could experience Sunday.

So, here we are today like every other year, remembering Good Friday and all Jesus did. Resist the urge to go through the motions and traditions of this day unmoved, untouched. Enter in. Ask God to touch you in your feelings! Ask Him to make His Word come alive in your spirit!

Luke 9:51 tells us that when the appointed time had come for Jesus to be taken up to heaven he resolutely set out for Jerusalem. No wonder! No kidding! Of course he was resolute! He had waited long enough for this dreaded time! Friday couldn't come soon enough! I awoke this morning thinking..."Yes, Jesus, It's Friday! It's here-it's here! Finally!" I imagine Jesus awoke each morning of his final week perhaps thinking something like this,

Monday:"Oh,is it really only Monday?"

Tuesday: "This is the slowest week of my life...three more days."

Wednesday: "I've got this, only 2 more days."

Thursday: "I'm almost there. This is it"

Friday: "Finally! Lets do this!"

 After Jesus was tortured to the point that he was unrecognizable as a human, they nailed him, our Savior, our Jesus to a cross. As Jesus hung with the iniquity of us all heaped upon him and his father's back against him, He cried out those familiar words "It is finished!" What was finished? The curtain was torn, atonement had been paid, hope for eternity had been granted, sins were forgiven....yes, all that...

But what was finished?

HE WAS!

It was over! He was done!

Mission accomplished! Purposes complete! Scripture Fulfilled! Execution Flawless! 33 years as a mere man on planet earth...OVER! Did you hear that-OVER! After facing that Friday Jesus was headed home! He took a deep exhale and SAT DOWN at the place he belonged... next to his father in Glory. I imagine God the Father said, "Welcome home, Son, it's really good to have you back."

 It really was finished! And today really is Good Friday!

Repurposed junk. Repurposed Life.

                                                         

 I found these treasures buried in a shed at my husband's grandparent's farm.  They are among my favorite things. Yeah, really. :) Strange perhaps, but true. Once finding their home in a dirty shed or outside facing the elements of extreme Minnesota seasons, these things now grace the walls of my home and manage to put a smile on my face. Here's the story...

It had been a couple of decades since they sold that beloved family farm.  Age had stolen their resolve to stay. Moving into town was inevitable. With no family having desire to take over the plow, they had no choice but to- let it go. Sold on one sunny, summer day at an auction. It was gone. Life as the family knew it was over the second that auctioneer boldly declared, "SOLD!"

 But memories still abound on those acres. No one can take those. They belong to the family forever. After we buried Grandma that morning, it was as though the farm was compelling us to make the dusty drive just one more time... together. With family  spread across the country and both grandparents gone-we knew, though no one spoke it, this would be the last time.

We walked the barren land that once produced abundant crops, birthed brilliant flower beds and cushioned little feet at play. We cautiously stepped into dilapidated barns that once kept cows and plows, we leaned hard on the weathered wooden fence that once penned in horses but was now empty and eerily still.  We laid eyes long on that old white farm house that was... home... and everything representing Grandma. It's now falling apart, un-kept, lonely.

The trail to the lake was gone. Trees had grown-but so had we-at least I think, but this day makes me wonder. This farm that once was alive with family, grand-kids, crops, gardens, chores, clothes drying on the line, milking cows, horses and the family dog was now completely dead. Lifeless. Purposeless. Sad.

The emotion ran deep. The now adult grandchildren acted like little kids that afternoon..."Look! Do you remember this?! We used to..." I could  see my husband as a young boy playing right there at  his grandparents farm as they shared stories.

 While the family was bursting with minds on memories and days of old,  I was hunting, for treasures, for lost things. Tin pails half buried in earth next to the water pump. An old metal mail box next to the barn-tangled in weeds. Chicken coop fencing still rolled up in a dark corner of the tired barn. I could've hauled a trailer home with the all the tossed aside, forgotten things I found. Too timid to ask myself, my husband humbly asked the owner if we could take these few pieces of 'junk' home. He didn't care. He graciously said "take it-please". I know he thought I was crazy. He didn't understand. I didn't need him to. The new owner? He and his wife have no kids. No farmer instincts in his bones. He just wanted space. He wanted quiet. So he bought the farm and let it die.

The warped barn wood, dented metal mail box with the family name etched on it, the chicken wire, old screen window...those things don't feel, they don't have a soul, they didn't need rescuing, but we do. And this stuff is a symbol to me...of life made new, the old given meaning, life rescued, restored. This tossed aside, long forgotten, beaten up...junk...is a treasure in my home.  It has purpose... again.

Maybe I like this stuff because I think it's how we as humans feel from time to time...like old news, has- beens, forgotten, neglected, struggling with purpose and fulfillment. But sweet sister, nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing. We all struggle with letting things go... you know, that season when we felt like somebody, that job we loved, that position where we felt needed, the role we had as a mom, that relationship we didn't think would ever change-but did. Letting go of that which identifies us, fulfills us, attempts to complete us...is difficult...so we wrestle for a bit, and sadly, sometimes end up- giving up. We neglect ourselves. We decide it's over-maybe we're over.

If you are in that season, God wants to rescue you if you'd allow him. Resist the urge to let yourself die. Fight hard for life-abundant. For truth-experienced. Maybe you're tired, just want some space...have nothing left within the marrow of your bones to work the soil of your soul.  Know this-You are never lost. You are never forgotten. God will uncover you...if you will let him. Cooperate. Please.

He is faithful to tenderly wipe off the dirt built up from years of neglect, from the years of extremely harsh seasons we may have been in. He will make us new. We can bloom again. We can find a place to belong. Oh, life may look different than it did in years past.  That's okay and I promise, you will be okay. God will redefine you in a glorious, beautiful way that will bring joy and smiles to those in your presence. Just let God have his new way in you. Sweet, beloved daughter of The Creator, dare to Live Again...

 ...In Christ, she is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Cor 5:17

Blessings,

Amy Joy

P.S. Thanks for the facebook messages. I have enjoyed those! Some of you have told me that you are unable to leave a comment here on the blog. I am not techy but will try to figure it out. I said TRY. :)

This time I will Praise

Remember the story of gorgeous Rachel; her not so pretty sister, Leah - and Jacob,the husband they, ahem, shared? Yeah, I know, hard to grasp that this is a story from the bible, seems more like the latest episode of a day time talk show. Grab your bible and read Gen 29 to refresh your memory. Really, if you have a moment-it'll be worth the read for the treasure found at the end. I'll wait right here for you : ) ....
This is a story most of us as women would like to pretend didn't happen or at least we'd like to think Leah didn't feel it as intensely because she's, well, a bible person, right? They didn't really feel things with deep emotion...way back then...did they?

So Jacob, the deceiver, the little brother who stole his big brothers birthright - that guy, he works 7 years to get Rachel. That's some kind of love. He said it only seemed like a few days to him. Ah, so sweet. Sounds like a fairy tale-how precious. At the end of those 7 years, he wants his woman (yeah, one thing on a man's mind back then too.) "Give her to me, I want to lie with her", he demands. But instead of waking up the next morning on his honeymoon with Rachel, he found, major gasp, Leah in bed (how does that happen exactly-that he didn't know?!) Lets just say he is horrified.

Imagine that conversation... "What are you doing here? I didn't want you. Where is Rachel and how long have you been here?" Leah responds, "My sister was never here, it's been me all along-I am your wife... how about pancakes for breakfast?"

Turns out daddy dear tricks his son-in-law, giving him his older-less-beautiful-not-quite-so-lovely-in-form daughter, Leah instead. (Hmm, we reap what we sow don't we? Jacob had that coming and his deceit caught up to him. He kinda deserved it if you ask me. Can you believe he actually asks the question-why did you deceive me? Really bud? Please.)

When do you think Leah knew in the depths of her tender heart that she wasn't the pretty one? How long had she lived with the knowledge that she was not beautiful? Not desirable or worth pursing. Somewhere along her journey of growing up the world spoke clearly to her-you are not the wanted one, the chosen one, the noticed one... and you never will be.  And now this? Her daddy sets her up to live this nightmare of comparison and humiliation and second rate existence for the rest of her life. Sharing a husband with her sister... she may have been Jacob's first wife, but Leah knew her husband didn't pick her. She had a piece of paper pinned to her back for all to read that declared ' Yeah, I know,I was never wanted.'

God takes note. In His kindness He allows her to conceive. Leah is ecstatic!  She quickly comes to the conclusion that, "Finally, this will do it! Now Jacob will love me! Now he will bond with me! Now he will be attached to me! This will surely fix my heartache."

Like Leah, we're always hoping aren't we? Hoping things will change. Hoping for our hearts to feel better. It's easy to attach God's blessings to other longings we have isn't it?  Did God bless Leah? Yes, he did! Her sons were a delight and joy. Problem is... Leah wanted more from her sons than God intended.  She looked right past the blessing and was after what she perceived this blessing would give her... what she desperately wanted them to give her. She hoped her sons would fix her marriage, her broken heart and the lies that she rehearsed over and over again in her mind.

I do this. I receive a blessing of sorts-even a small one - maybe I catch glimpse of a bright spot  and say to myself, "Oh good, now things will be different; this will be the breakthrough I so desperately need." But in so doing, I miss the joy of the moment, the blessing smack dab in front of me, because I focus on what I hope it will bring me... rather than what it just did. I attach expectations for more on the tender blessings from God... blessings that He gave me simply as a gift not necessarily as an answer to  the something greater I am still after.

And so often, like Leah, nothing changes. Not a cotton-pickin thing. Our hearts still sting. The pain refuses to extend an ounce of mercy. The rejection still ruminates in our soul. The lies still dance around in our minds. "But God...I thought...!", we cry.  God lovingly says to us, "Sweet one, why can't you receive this delight from me for what it is...a gift, a blessing from me for you today because I love you.  When will you cease the striving, the strategizing, the planning, the wanting, the agonizing and simply praise me in this moment for what I just gave you?'

 Baby number four arrives, with a new perspective Leah says, "This time I will praise the Lord". Oh, Leah, I love you girl! For this brief moment you get it!  You quit  the obsessing, the controlling, the wasting of time and energy. You give thanks. You see your blessing. Period.

What if I, too, stopped tying one blessing from God to another blessing I am still after? Where do I need to stop hoping for more and  instead start praising for what is?

Having kids never fixed Leah's empty marriage. Her sons didn't make her more desirable to her husband. Being a mom didn't give her anymore value than she already had.  No amount of striving and manipulating could do that for her. What are we after? What are we looking for? What do we think we still  need?

You get an 'in' with the coach, so you expect your kid will start the next game. Your 25 year old daughter finally has a date and you're planning her wedding by that afternoon. You get a kind compliment-you want another. Your husband helps with the dishes,you hope he picks up his underwear too. You've lost weight, surely now you'll attract a husband. Your boss said "good job", you immediately presume that raise you've been waiting on has got to be coming. You're pregnant, now you'll be happy. Your man gives you flowers, now he'll always be attentive to you. You found Pinterest, now you will know how to dress, decorate and cook! Finally! :)

Oh, sweet sisters, can we take a deep breath...rest...cease the busyness of our minds...the stress in our hearts and simply in this moment, for this day decide that... This Time we will Praise the Lord...for what is!