When God's Word is Not Enough

I don't need to tell you that life throws daggers at our hearts. I don't need to tell you that a phone call can throw your life off course. I don't need to tell you that in one moment life is going well and the next you find yourself desperate for a hope that seems unattainable. I'm talking about the kind of crisis that stops your life dead in it's tracks, one that sucks the air right out of your lungs, one that threatens to drown you in the darkness of despair, one that literally makes your heart hurt. I am talking about the kind of crisis that makes you scream, "No, this can't possibly be happening!" You just hope it's a bad dream. 
But every morning you realize-
 This is Real.

These days I am consumed with circumstances beyond me... yet affecting me...

 every moment of the day.

 Do you  know the searing pain of someone else's hurt? Have you experienced  a  loved one's darkness in a way that suffocated you in its blackness too?

 It's someone I love very much. It's someone I am close to. 

Yet, I can do nothing. I can offer no solution. I cannot stop the pain. The confusion. The ramifications. The loneliness. The aloneness. The torment of the moment. The cruelty of the situation. The serious nature of the circumstance. The fear of the unknown and the devastation of what the future may hold.

I can't be there. I can't even get there. I can't hug. I can't hold. I can't fix it.  I can't give the gift of my presence or of my touch or even of my voice. There is nothing I can do. Do you understand?

 THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.  

Some of you have received THAT phone call... someone you love has been in a fatal accident or received a fatal diagnosis.  Your adult child has been served divorce papers and a nasty custody battle has ensued. A friend lost a child, a home, a job, a marriage. Your child's injuries have changed your life forever. Your child's poor choices devastate your heart every day. A loved one is going to prison. A loved one has run away. Your husband is gone.  Your grandchild has been assaulted.  Your sister's husband is having an affair. Your daughter has a broken heart. Your son is filing bankruptcy. Your child is dead. You've been falsely accused.   Your best friend's mom is dying... your mom is dying. 

YOU got THE call... 

What do we do?  

We pray. We hope. We plead. We believe. We fight. We hold on...right?  But for how long?

What do you do with your heart when it becomes afraid of the answer that God might give? 
What do you do with your soul  that is tormented with unspeakable fears? How long can you suit up for the raging battle for your mind? How long can you cling to fading hope that something will change?  How long can you be burdened for someone you love so much before you go crazy? How long can you stand the deafening silence from God? And for crying out loud, how many times can you blow your nose because the tears flow constant? 

When a bunch of todays and tomorrows pass with no answer, no change, no miracle.. with nothing but silence to be found...

What do you do?  Where do you turn?

For those of us who know Jesus and know pat Sunday school answers we'd say, "Go to God's Word, Cling to the Bible, Find a Promise and Speak It like you Mean It!"

I'd say," Great. You are right, indeed we should do those things. YES and AMEN". But today, for right now, for this crisis, for THIS... that simply isn't enough. I am sorry, as a pastor's wife, I'm just going to say it... the Bible-It's just not cutting it this time. It's not. 

Right now, much of the Word hurts. Much of the Bible is, like a friend in crisis once said, 
like Sandpaper to my Soul. 
I love what the Bible says. But sometimes those things just don't come true. Not for me. Not for you. Promises are wonderful... but some scripture was meant as a principle not a promise. Some scripture was a specific word for a specific person, for a specific time. Some scripture is speaking of  eternal realities not the here and now.
Here's the truth... the Bible... IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME...
It is all about GOD. 

The Word was meant to lead us TO God. The Word was meant to REVEAL God to us. The Word was never meant to be a catalogue from which we can place an order and  then expect it to be delivered... oh, and on our doorstep within 5 business days thank you very much.

I can quote scripture all I want about God healing the sick, rescuing the poor, releasing the captives, feeding the hungry, reviving the dead, righting every wrong... doesn't mean He will. Oh, He can! Many times He does. But doesn't mean He will... now anyway...on  this side of Heaven.

God's Word is Not Enough for me.
 I need GOD!

 I need HIM. I need His presence on me. I need His power in me. I need His strength about me. I need His hope infused in my very soul. I need to know of His Peace that surpasses this thing. I need to know His Grace will be sufficient while this nightmare rages on. His Mercies new each day while nothing new happens in my circumstances.
 I need HIM.
 I  need to experience the Holy Spirit dwelling within my heart.

 Not just a promise on a page.
 Not just a  verse I desperately claim over and over. 
 Not a passage I demand God bring to fruition for me-NOW! 

 I need my God.
 I need my Everlasting Father. 
I need my Prince of Peace.
 I need my Wonderful Counselor. 
I need my Ever Present Help.

I love God's Word. I am in God's Word. I am speaking God's Word. I am memorizing God's Word... but hear me clearly that is NOT an exchange for the 
Author of THE WORD Himself. 

Do you understand me? Do you understand the difference? If you are in a crisis situation then I believe you do. 

I welcome the Bible, believe me, I am in it!

But this girl needs her

 Abba Daddy...
 and if He chooses to answer my requests the way I want Him to- the way His Word says He can... well, that's just an added blessing... but not what I am truly after... that is not what my heart is clinging to...that is not what is giving me hope right now...  that is not what I am desperate for.
He is who and what I seek.
 He is all that I need... and I am finding in the midst of THIS nightmare...
 moment by moment
He is Enough for me
and everything that concerns me. 

With a tenderness for those in deep pain, an overwhelming sense of my need of God and a stillness and rest that whether the Words in the Bible come true for this thing or not, my hope is found in Christ alone.
Amy Joy