Honor God Right Where You Find Yourself

Four girlfriends who hadn't had a good talk in months found themselves with the rare chance to be together and get real. We found the only quiet room in the house where the kids wouldn't find us and piled on the bed...to talk, girlfriend style (men would never pile on a guys bed to have a heart to heart!) Feeling like college students in a dorm, but well aware that life was far too real and too raw to still be 'those days', we poured open our hearts. After 40 years of living there's a lot to cry about, a lot to get real about.

We shared unreservedly, unashamedly. We cried because we couldn't help it. We cried because we could. We prayed because that's the only thing we knew to do.

The gist of our getting real could be summed up in phrases like this...This is not what I had planned. This is not what I had dreamed life would be. This isn't what I wanted. I don't like this assignment. This is too much.  I didn't picture it turning out this way. It's not right. It's not fair. This hurts. I wish things were different.This load is too heavy.

While we shared life raw, I was reminded of a woman I admire deeply in scripture. She doesn't get ink because of her grandiose life or courageous efforts. She is a nobody. She is a slave. But I have grown to appreciate her and be fascinated by her. 
Her name? Hagar.
 Yes, the only Hagar in the bible, the one Abraham took - to sleep with - after his wife Sarah said to do so. Read Genesis 16 to get refreshed on the whole story. Sarah was tired of waiting for a child so she comes up with the brilliant, no, make that lame idea that her husband sleep with her servant. 
 Now, I happen to believe Sarah really didn't want her husband being intimate with another woman. 
I think she was emotional, irrational - it may have been that time of the month.  We know women say lots of things they don't mean during that time of the month! I think she wanted reassurance from her husband is all. She wanted him to say things like, No way baby, I'm a one woman man. You are my one and only. I love you. I want you  no matter what. I trust God. I know he will fulfill his promise to us. We're in this together. It's OK. No, I will not sleep with any other woman! Don't be ridiculous! Eat some chocolate if you need to, buy a new sweater if you must but get a grip my darling! 

But instead our man Abraham here basically says, Sure, sounds good, whatever you say honey. I'd like to call him a jerk here, but since he's called the Father of Great Faith, I probably shouldn't. Sarah takes Hagar and gives her to her husband so he can sleep with her. Now,  because I feel we owe it to  Hagar... lets call it what it really was, this young slave woman, was violated. She had no choice. She didn't get a say. She wasn't asked. Abraham didn't get down on one knee and ask her hand in marriage.  It wasn't up to her.  She had no choice.  She was taken. That's called abuse. That's called rape.  It may have been normal and culturally accepted at that time but that didn't ease the torment or the pain. And it certainly, didn't make it right or excusable. This thought may be hard for us to process. It should be. But ignoring the reality to ease our discomfort is an injustice to the woman who suffered greatly. 

After Abram gets Hagar pregnant, the house gets ugly. Quite ugly. How'd ya think that was going to work out for ya Sarah? Talk about awkward! Sarah, who at this moment in her life acts like a complete brat, is cruel to Hagar her slave. She makes her life more miserable than it already was. So Hagar runs....

I would've too (after giving Abraham a black eye that is.) She was distraught. Life was not right. Things were not fair. She had been wronged. She was ripped from her family and her people in Egypt, sold as a possession. Life was painful. This is not what she had dreamed of. Every little girl growing up at that time on planet earth wanted to be the chosen wife, the wanted woman. The only one treated with some sense of dignity in a land where women had no rights. No little girl  dreamed about growing up to be another woman's... slave. Hagar didn't like her assignment. She didn't like the load she carried. She didn't like her lot in life. She was living a life of other people's choices - she was reaping the consequences of other people's decisions.  This wasn't what she wanted!  This isn't how she envisioned her life would unfold!

So God shows up and says to her, where have you come from and where are you going? (God always encounters us, invites us into relationship.) Hagar tells the angel that she is running away from Sarah.

 Now get this, God responds back to her with, are you ready... Go back to Sarah and submit to her. 

Wait one cotton-pickin  minute God!!

 You really didn't say that did you? I mean, you meant to say, Oh sweet honey, my poor little baby girl. I am so sorry. I cannot believe what these meanies are doing to you. I am going to pluck you up out of that terrible life and plop you down in a place you deserve. A place where you will be loved, wanted and treated properly. I will fix  everything for you. No more Sarah. No more slavery. I will not tolerate anything in your life being unfair or wrong. This is not what I had planned for you when I knit you together in your mother's womb, therefore I will change everything and make it all better!

No, I'm afraid that's not at all what God said to her. Not. At. All. He just tells her to

 Go Back.

 Face it.

 Live it.

 Accept it.

The wrong and all. Go back to it. ( Dear one, if you are in a physically abusive relationship you need to get out and get help. I am not suggesting you stay in a dangerous place.) If we read between the lines I think God would be saying, See dear one, problem is, you live in a fallen, sin saturated world. Things aren't right. Everyone lives the consequences of other people's poor choices. I can't change everything. If I did, none of you would have a free will. If I did, this would be heaven, but it's not, that's coming. But until then, life unfolds as people live it. No, this wasn't my plan A for your life. This wasn't my very best for you. Abraham and Sarah's decisions and your fathers before that, by allowing you to be sold as a slave, changed all of that. But I am with you. I am here. I always will be. I see you.  I will right every wrong one day. I will use this for good in your life. I can redeem your days and bring blessing out of heartache. But you only have one option Hagar my daughter, Go Back. Live life as a pleasing aroma to me. Honor me where you find yourself... fair or not. Honor me where you are whether it's what you dreamed it would be or not. Go Back.

There is more to this amazing story. I will write more about that later. But for now, I think the message is clear. God's words to Hagar are His Words to us. Where are you going? What are you running from? You might not have physically run away like Hagar did. Some of us have just shut down, pulled back, withdrawn, given up, resented, resigned and well, thrown ourselves a big royal pity party. Maybe we emotionally have run away from a responsibility or a relationship. Maybe we have pushed back from a calling on our lives or a position God has given us.

I feel led to say this today... maybe it's Motherhood you are running from... it's not what you dreamed it would be. It's so much harder. So you opted for a career, a paycheck and accolades instead. I'm not suggesting every mother should stay home; for some, it is God's will for their family that the mother work. For others, they would love to stay home but have no choice due to finances.  I know a lot of godly women and fantastic moms who chose to work.  But if you are simply running from the motherhood assignment -  that you wanted by the way - because it's harder than you imagined, then quit running from the highest calling you will ever have... and Go Back and submit to the irreplaceable role only you can have in your home.

Maybe the same is true for you in your marriage or in singleness, infertility or with a special needs child. Maybe in relationship with your boss or co-worker or neighbor or friend.

I know for me, it can be subtle some days... I find myself running from the laundry, the dishes and the dust! I can shut down-run away emotionally when I am spent, stressed or hurt in a relationship. God never fails to meet me in the desert of my running with the same questions...Where ya headed Amy? What are you running from? After listening to me vent, His answer is always the same... 

Live your life well right now - right here!

 Give me your very best everyday - in everything!

 Yes, in the midst of the unwanted, unfair, mundane, unglamorous and even  pain-filled stuff of life... 

Go Back and honor me where you find yourself. I am right here with you... oh, and my beloved daughter, one more thing....I see you.

Life is Good!

Yes, my sweet sisters, when we stop running and start belonging... it sure is!

Amy Joy