This time I will Praise

Remember the story of gorgeous Rachel; her not so pretty sister, Leah - and Jacob,the husband they, ahem, shared? Yeah, I know, hard to grasp that this is a story from the bible, seems more like the latest episode of a day time talk show. Grab your bible and read Gen 29 to refresh your memory. Really, if you have a moment-it'll be worth the read for the treasure found at the end. I'll wait right here for you : ) ....
This is a story most of us as women would like to pretend didn't happen or at least we'd like to think Leah didn't feel it as intensely because she's, well, a bible person, right? They didn't really feel things with deep emotion...way back then...did they?

So Jacob, the deceiver, the little brother who stole his big brothers birthright - that guy, he works 7 years to get Rachel. That's some kind of love. He said it only seemed like a few days to him. Ah, so sweet. Sounds like a fairy tale-how precious. At the end of those 7 years, he wants his woman (yeah, one thing on a man's mind back then too.) "Give her to me, I want to lie with her", he demands. But instead of waking up the next morning on his honeymoon with Rachel, he found, major gasp, Leah in bed (how does that happen exactly-that he didn't know?!) Lets just say he is horrified.

Imagine that conversation... "What are you doing here? I didn't want you. Where is Rachel and how long have you been here?" Leah responds, "My sister was never here, it's been me all along-I am your wife... how about pancakes for breakfast?"

Turns out daddy dear tricks his son-in-law, giving him his older-less-beautiful-not-quite-so-lovely-in-form daughter, Leah instead. (Hmm, we reap what we sow don't we? Jacob had that coming and his deceit caught up to him. He kinda deserved it if you ask me. Can you believe he actually asks the question-why did you deceive me? Really bud? Please.)

When do you think Leah knew in the depths of her tender heart that she wasn't the pretty one? How long had she lived with the knowledge that she was not beautiful? Not desirable or worth pursing. Somewhere along her journey of growing up the world spoke clearly to her-you are not the wanted one, the chosen one, the noticed one... and you never will be.  And now this? Her daddy sets her up to live this nightmare of comparison and humiliation and second rate existence for the rest of her life. Sharing a husband with her sister... she may have been Jacob's first wife, but Leah knew her husband didn't pick her. She had a piece of paper pinned to her back for all to read that declared ' Yeah, I know,I was never wanted.'

God takes note. In His kindness He allows her to conceive. Leah is ecstatic!  She quickly comes to the conclusion that, "Finally, this will do it! Now Jacob will love me! Now he will bond with me! Now he will be attached to me! This will surely fix my heartache."

Like Leah, we're always hoping aren't we? Hoping things will change. Hoping for our hearts to feel better. It's easy to attach God's blessings to other longings we have isn't it?  Did God bless Leah? Yes, he did! Her sons were a delight and joy. Problem is... Leah wanted more from her sons than God intended.  She looked right past the blessing and was after what she perceived this blessing would give her... what she desperately wanted them to give her. She hoped her sons would fix her marriage, her broken heart and the lies that she rehearsed over and over again in her mind.

I do this. I receive a blessing of sorts-even a small one - maybe I catch glimpse of a bright spot  and say to myself, "Oh good, now things will be different; this will be the breakthrough I so desperately need." But in so doing, I miss the joy of the moment, the blessing smack dab in front of me, because I focus on what I hope it will bring me... rather than what it just did. I attach expectations for more on the tender blessings from God... blessings that He gave me simply as a gift not necessarily as an answer to  the something greater I am still after.

And so often, like Leah, nothing changes. Not a cotton-pickin thing. Our hearts still sting. The pain refuses to extend an ounce of mercy. The rejection still ruminates in our soul. The lies still dance around in our minds. "But God...I thought...!", we cry.  God lovingly says to us, "Sweet one, why can't you receive this delight from me for what it is...a gift, a blessing from me for you today because I love you.  When will you cease the striving, the strategizing, the planning, the wanting, the agonizing and simply praise me in this moment for what I just gave you?'

 Baby number four arrives, with a new perspective Leah says, "This time I will praise the Lord". Oh, Leah, I love you girl! For this brief moment you get it!  You quit  the obsessing, the controlling, the wasting of time and energy. You give thanks. You see your blessing. Period.

What if I, too, stopped tying one blessing from God to another blessing I am still after? Where do I need to stop hoping for more and  instead start praising for what is?

Having kids never fixed Leah's empty marriage. Her sons didn't make her more desirable to her husband. Being a mom didn't give her anymore value than she already had.  No amount of striving and manipulating could do that for her. What are we after? What are we looking for? What do we think we still  need?

You get an 'in' with the coach, so you expect your kid will start the next game. Your 25 year old daughter finally has a date and you're planning her wedding by that afternoon. You get a kind compliment-you want another. Your husband helps with the dishes,you hope he picks up his underwear too. You've lost weight, surely now you'll attract a husband. Your boss said "good job", you immediately presume that raise you've been waiting on has got to be coming. You're pregnant, now you'll be happy. Your man gives you flowers, now he'll always be attentive to you. You found Pinterest, now you will know how to dress, decorate and cook! Finally! :)

Oh, sweet sisters, can we take a deep breath...rest...cease the busyness of our minds...the stress in our hearts and simply in this moment, for this day decide that... This Time we will Praise the Lord...for what is!